MEET...

0:00

SHISO... ?

When prompted to introduce himself: “[...] Right, um, my favorite phoneme is the voiced pharyngeal fricative. Sorry, I hope that’s not too personal?” (Did not add anything else. [And I did ask him to!])

SPECIES: HUMAN (uncomfirmed; a psychic!!!)

FULL NAME: AKIRA SATO (that is NOT his name!!!)

AGE: 22–24 (debatable)

HEIGHT: 5’ 9 ”

OCCUPATION: JOURNALIST (allegedly)

DOMICILE: EPSILON ERIDANI D (???)

(Couldn’t even waterboard a favorite color out of this one. [A joke. It’s obviously yellow.]) (PURPLE)

Shinji's pocket contents — An assortment of things Shinji keeps in his pockets at all times: a lone 20-sided dice, an empty tube of sanitizer, one gel pen, one mechanical pencil, a hairband or two, a mini camera, one blister of ibuprofen, and one pocket of tissues, a small pack of microfiber cleaning cloths, one pocket LED flashlight, one pocket notebook, a small set of adhesive bandages, some condoms, random ass sparkly rocks (Moldavite, to be exact), his wallet, and wireless earbuds.

Cannot speak Japanese very well—if at all—but is fluent in ǂnòa!im, Matkojatkan English and speaks Czech on an intermediate level.

Does not remember his childhood nor any of Japan, for that matter. Knows where it is on the map, and that’s about it. (?!?!) (His given name is
吉本真嗣. He cannot spell it.)

Claims that he has been forbidden from ever going back. (A hyperbole?) (!!!!)

Tends to talk fast with and ever-present rising intonation and prolongate his vooowels?

(okay, i get it, you linguist! something else?)

Used to play the bassoon (and after discovering what it’s called in other languages, regrets he’s ever stopped).

Used to do gymnastics for a while. Then managed to bruise his ribs, somehow! and that was the rather unceremonious end of it.

Accidentally persuaded his classmate to set the editor-in-chief of their school magazine on fire (back in high school). (accidentally?)

The real author behind the infamous Anti-Human Manifesto hosted on Chainsaw Gutsfuck (which is, in fact, his blog). (so very not alien of him *eyeroll*)

He was fourteen and has since renounced it. (Made a convincing case, though.) (...)

Born on New Year’s Day. That makes him a Capricorn.

His associated Tarot cards are: Wheel of Fortune (Inverted), The Fool, Nine of Wands, The Tower, and Ace of Swords.

Physically uncapable of not swearing in front of children (or in general).

Has prophetic dreams (that he never remembers).

The Macbeth of people. Rumor has it that saying his name might jinx you.

More to be added?

(could it be less random next time? also, what is his favorite music genre?)

To be added.

(God, I’ve had enough of this guy!)

Yoshimoto SHINJI. Alias Akira Sato, alias Shiso, alias whoever-the-fuck. The portrait you see is unaccurate: he a) always wears those damn goggles of his, and b) is physically incapable of a neutral expression.

Anyway, he’s having bit of a weird day.

Let’s get down to brass tacks: he’s a psychic, and his boss just got exploded. Those two facts are, believe it or not, unrelated. On top of that, he’s acidentally become an editor to a cyber-terrorist and fell right into a lap of his would-be murderer. No amount of positive affirmations can fix this one.

See, a foolish man believes Shinji is after a story, the clever man knows this to be the other way around, and the wise man is vacating the premises as we speak, for Shinji’s luck is a self-cannibalizing serpent: a Möbius strip of good and bad luck, with no clear side nor end.

To those unfortunate: if you see him, it’s too late. Looking-at-a-mushroom-cloud late, but at least there’s still the silver lining. Look his way, and he might apologize. And Inshallah, if you’re fortunate enough, you won’t see to know why.

What? No, I’m not gonna start talking about his personality. It’s not like I know the guy or anything.

(well... he’s really nice for a guy raised by aliens and also possibly for being an alien himself)

Let. It. Go. He was born in Japan (the Earth one).

(are you saying there are no alien immigrants? that give birth on earth? in japan, of all places?)

Are YOU saying that aliens cannot be as nice as humans?

(...touché. you got me there)

(so uh. you an alien? 👀)

SHISO... ?

Pockets

Memes

Trivia

Gallery